Top 8 Toxic Filipino Traits during Christmas - Discussion

It's the most wonderful time of the year, Christmas -- which also happens to be the time when some toxic traits are at their peak. In this article, we will be revealing 8 common manifestations and scenarios of toxic traits we usually see in a Filipino Christmas gathering. 

Disclaimer: Traits discussed in this post are not to be generalized to all Filipino families. In fact, I have read in other forums that most of these are universally present across the globe. The objective of this article is to bring awareness that such traits exist, so that we can identify and address them.

#1 - Gossiping about relatives who are not in the family gathering (or worse, even if they are there)

During family gathering, those who are not able to make it are often feasted on in the conversation and secret whispers. 

Sample Scenario: Person 1 - "<Name of another relative> is not here? I bet she's pregnant again." Person 2 - "I heard she got impregnated by another man."

Why is it toxic? Need we say more. Gossiping normally is baseless and often about something negative or offensive about others whom, perhaps, we are not in good terms with. 

#2 - Buying exchange gifts at lower than the agreed minimum price and/or not aligned with the agreed category

There are a few who are purely 'kuripot' or stingy, but some of us are taking it too far!

Sample Scenario: Guidelines and criteria have already been posted which disallow mugs or picture frame as gifts. However, you still bought them anyway. Alternatively, let's say there's a minimum budget requirement of P500 for the gift. However, what you bought is just worth P200.

Why is it toxic? There’s an intention of deceit in this act, and it is outright disrespectful. People spend time and resources to ensure meeting the criteria. It needs reciprocation. 

    

#3 - Commenting and criticizing physical appearance, such as weight

There are some family members and relatives whom we just see once a year, and yet they choose to leave out unsolicited remarks and advice. 

Sample Scenario: ”Uyy parang tumaba ka” (Uyy, I think you are getting fatter) or “Grabe naman yung tigyawat mo sa mukha, bakit ganyan?!” (Why is your face so full of acne?!)

Why is it toxic? Remarks like these may lack empathy, and may be equivalent to rubbing salt on a wound. There are better ways to air out genuine concern. 

#4 - Judging or commenting about personal relationship decisions

There are certain life decisions that are very personal and private, yet some relatives can’t restrain themselves on prying. This somehow share a little similarity to #3 above. 

Sample Scenario: ”Wala ka pa rin jowa? Kailan kayo magpapakasal? Bakit wala pa kayong anak?” (You still have no boyfriend? When are you getting married? Why do you still have no children?)

Why is it toxic? Questions like these are potentially intrusive, and sometimes have the presumption that ‘not having a boyfriend, or not yet having children’ is a “bad” thing. This borders gaslighting. 

#5 - Excessively and competitively bragging about son/daughter to relatives, and comparing them with his/her cousins

We take pride in our children’s accomplishments, but sometimes we get overly excited that we subconsciously bring these in a wrong time/topic, ending up with comparing them. However, comparison tends to shatter self-esteem.

Sample Scenario: “I heard that your son did not pass the board exam. Fortunately, my son passed with just one take, and he even scored Top 20. Now, he's given great job offers.”

Why is it toxic? It is insensitive and potentially selfish. The person strokes his/her ego at the cost of someone else’s.

#6 - Parents demanding or unreasonably expecting that their children give/share their 13th month to them

This threads into a debatable moral fiber of the society. Some people bring in the concept of “utang na loob”, and others bring in scriptural references. This may go out of hand and result to bring toxic.

Sample Scenario: “Anak, bumale ako kay kumare, tutal may makukuha ka namang bonus pambayad.” (Son/daughter, I borrowed money from a friend. We’ll just repay it with the 13th month pay you’ll get.)

Why is it toxic? Children work hard for the money they get, and therefore deserve to spend it for themselves. To unreasonably deprive them of that all because of a certain “utang na loob” is borderline extortion.

#7 - Being ungrateful about gifts

Receiving a gift is a privilege, not a right. It’s the gesture that matters not the gift itself. 

Sample Scenario: A person receives t-shirt and cap from his ninong. He then frowns and murmurs to himself, “Sana pinera na lang!” (It would have been better if he just gave me cash)

Why is it toxic? It is straight up rude. It disregards the thoughts and the efforts poured in for the gift. While it is common to sometimes not like a gift, it’s different when you feel ungrateful and entitled for it.

#8. Compelling a ninang or ninong to give a gift to child/ren, and worse demanding certain high-value items (e.g. cellphone, laptop)
Some are taking the concept of ‘standing as a second parent’ too far. They oblige the godparents to provide more than the usual.

Sample Scenario: “Mare, mag-cocollege na yung inaanak mo, kailangan niya ng laptop. Pamasko mo na sa kanya.” (<Name of Godparent, your grandchild is going to college soon. He expects a laptop from you this Christmas.)

Why is it toxic? First off, ninang and ninong’s role is to provide guidance, and not necessarily “cash assistance and gifts”. Compelling them to give beyond what is reasonable for them is tactless and shameless.

In a nutshell

There are certain behaviors embedded in the fibers of our culture that are toxic. However, it does not mean that we need to pass them on. What we need to do is to be more mindful of our interactions moving forward, and ensure that we show empathy.

Do you agree/disagree with the list? What are the toxic manifestations do you observe that should be part of this? Let us know by commenting down below.